Not Sad

“You look a little sad these days,”
someone said to me.

No, I said.
Not sad.

Just more aware now—
of pain,
of loss,
of time slipping past
without asking.

Of things ending.

Of how the certainty I once carried
like a small light in my pocket
has gone out.

I’m learning
to live with not knowing.

To set down the old mask
that said everything would be fine,
the one that smiled
even when it wasn’t true.

Now I notice my breathing more.
In.
Out.

And how close joy lives
to everything else.

Breath and ashes
sharing the same small room.

So maybe I look sad.

But I think
it’s something else.

I think
I’m just awake.