Somewhere

I think of you in the late afternoon,
when the light goes thin in the room
and there is nothing I have to do.

I have your picture on my phone.
I don’t look at it often.
When I do, it’s quick.

You were younger than I am now.
That’s one way time shows itself.

There is no place to go
to mark your absence.
No stone, no date,
no agreed story.

You are somewhere.
That is all I know.

I have imagined the rest.
A room you move through.
People who know your name.
A life that does not include me.

Sometimes I think you might be well.
Sometimes not.
It changes without reason.

I have stopped trying to follow it.

The day goes on.
I make coffee.
I answer messages.
I speak to people who are here.

Then something small
brings it back.

A boy in a store
turning his head a certain way.
A voice I think I recognize
and don’t.

It doesn’t last long.
It doesn’t have to.

This is how it is now.

I carry it
without knowing
what it is I carry.